So Nervous

I'm so nervous [y'all].  I'm about to get my septum pierced today.  I might get buzzed off a few PBR's before I go just to calm my nerves.  I think a septum piercing will make me so much more authentic.  I won't have to stress over emphasizing my skinny jeans and plaid shirt because people will look at my face and automatically know that I'm an alt.  I mean, a septum piercing on an altbro is the equivalent to a lower-back tattoo on a slutty broad; automatic identification.

I'm glad that it doesn't have to be permanent though.  It's kinda like a tattoo [bc it gives alt credibility] but it can be removed when I inevitably outgrow 'the scene.'  And when I have to grow up and get a job in the real world, I can just turn the ring up and it will disappear into my nose.  Gotta think ahead, kids; can't just 'live in the moment.'

But should I be worried about my the hole getting infected?  I mean, I don't know about you guys, but I have boogers in my nose and I don't want that to be a factor when it comes to infection.   What happens when I have to blow my nose?  So many worries on my mind, I should prolly just get shitfaced so I don't have to think about it [running away from your problems is always a good option].  

This is gonna be fun.  I mean, I know it's gonna hurt but it will be so worth it in the end.  I think this will give me the authenticity that I've been looking for.  Wish me luck!

[photo of authentic altbro brought to you by I Can Teach You How To Do It]

Vulnerable Poetry by ROBOTXY

A poem:

///She left me for some altbro with a tat

///I guess he's a pretty cool cat

///I just can't compete, he's totes got me beat

///Having an authentic tattoo is where it's at

-dedicated to the tatted altbro that is with 'the girl that got away' :(

I wonder if she'll take me back if I get my septum pierced.  Probs.

[photo by Norton]

Problem Solving

Three Little Words: Subtle Septum Piercing [like the altbro on the right]

I've figured out what I need to do to permanently solve my problem about the tank top.  All I have to do is get a septum piercing and BOOM I will automatically be alt no matter what I wear.  It's fucking brilliant.  It's basically the perfect substitution for a tattoo.

Get this.

I get the septum piercing right after Thanksgiving break.  I keep it in for four weeks while I'm at school so that the hole stays.  I take it out for when I go home for Christmas break so that my parents don't have to see it.  [They'll disown me if they know I have a piercing, parents just don't understand.]  I put in the piercing whenever I want to prove my alt status and I take it out when I have job interviews and things of that nature.  If i take it out, you can't even see the hole because it's all up in my nose.  If i put it in, I'm completely alternative and progressive.  I won't even have to feel insecure about the tank top issue because people will automatically see my piercing and know that I'm an altbro.  It's a WIN WIN.  Progressive problem solving is what I'm all about.

photo by ShootTheNight

ALT OR MNSTRM?

I'm wearing the AA Fine Jersey Stripe Tank today (pictured above)...and I'm severely conflicted.  I can't tell whether I look like an altbro or a mainstream douchebro.  Maybe I look a little bit like both?  I'm wearing it with gray skinny jeans and TOMS but I'm not sure if that's enough to convert my outfit to 'completely alternative.'  I saw a bro at In-N-Out a few weeks ago wearing the same tank, but he was a mainstream bro that was on steroids because I could tell he was wearing the tank to show off his guns.  Can't blame him :(.  But I'm basically the same build as the altbro in the picture, so I'm in the clear right?  Ooooo, but I don't have rad tats to prove my alt status.  I'M SO FUCKING CONFUSED.  Maybe I should just change shirts to be on the safe side.

I AM ALTBRO, hear me roar

This just screams, "I swear to god I'm alternative, look I have a tattoo to prove it." This altbro is going out of his way to try to prove his altness. Notice: the fitted hat titled at a 45 degree angle, the obnoxious gold chain, and the shirt pull to reveal his 'rad tat' that he got when he was too buzzed with his bros. He's strategically placed the tat on his chest so he could still get a job interview at his dad's mainstream lawfirm, but at the same time he can reveal his altness by wearing an AA tank top or v-neck. This way, if he gets rejected from his fav progressive art/design school, he can just cover up his tattoo and join a frat at his local state college.
photo via [the culture of me]